Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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