do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
