Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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