can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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