Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
