why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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