I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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