Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
