There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
