why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are a genius and a whore.
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