just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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