talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
