his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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