when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
