Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
send nudes
from the living room?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
