alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
