i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
