dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
