Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize