If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
