i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize