I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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