i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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