i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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