So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You are the jesus of drinking
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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