Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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