I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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