it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
