Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
