my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize