Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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