So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
