Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
