I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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