I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
