Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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