my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
