dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
