That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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