I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
