That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
