You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
