oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
