he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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