Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
