all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize