oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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