my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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