what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize