Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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