real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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