I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
