Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
