I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
