Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
