We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
