If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
