I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
