standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
