I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
