Your dad touched me again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
