I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize