it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
