I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
