i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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