every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize