guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
