You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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