Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
