do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
