i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
