I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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