She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
