Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
