I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
