I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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