I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
