Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
