Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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