I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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