You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
