The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
