I will die if light touches me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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