She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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