Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
