She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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