i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
