Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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