Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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