sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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