He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
