dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
