She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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