But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
