Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize