I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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