Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
