We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
