Sry I called you an 8
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
