I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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