I can text with my tongue
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you would pick up someone in the library
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
