i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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