OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
